I just don't know

I keep waiting for my breakdown to happen. Having heard from Rudy today and Tom G just now got me through today and even through my first night of classes at USF. Had dinner with AC after and we’re trying to stay optimistic about this weekend but the more days that go by without hearing from my parents, the more I get upset. I don’t even know where to look for information about Laurel, MS…
The more I hear about the crime and looting and carjacking, the more my heart sinks. What the hell are these people thinking? Where do they think they are going to go? I haven’t felt so empty since 9/11, but this time it’s my home. While I live in FL now, the only time I consider being away from home was my 2 years in Boston. Ever since I’ve been in Tampa, I’ve been close enough to home that I didn’t consider myself living somewhere else. Every day this summer I would talk to Rudy, Tom, and Jeremy, among others. I scroll through my cell phone now and nearly every number is either a person who lives in NOLA or who used to live there and still has family there.
I have not slept well but have not been tired during the days either. Just distracted.
It’s gonna hit me soon and it’s not going to be pretty.

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